The Phantom of the Nausea is there.... inside my mind

I'm sure the title of this blog has caused you to wonder... "Is Erin Pregnant?". Let me answer that with a big, fat NO! I am however nauseous and let me tell you why. The fall used to be my very favorite season. I loved the cooler temperatures, the colors of the leaves, the pumpkins and smell of spices, decorating the house in fall decor and every other thing that goes along with the season. That is until about 2 years ago. The greatest thing that has ever happened to me, the conception and subsequent birth of my son, is now the reason that I dread fall coming. About 6 weeks after I found out I was pregnant I became extremely nauseous. The nausea would last all day, all night and would start again the very next day. Sometimes I threw up, most of the time I didn't, I just felt like I needed to. Every sight and smell, I associated with the nausea. This lasted for almost 5 full months. Poor Scott had to do the cooking each night as I couldn't stand the smell of food, especially meat. I was able to drag myself out of bed each morning, go to work and then when I came home all I could do was lay on the couch. Forget about teeth brushing. That alone sent me into a festival of gags.
After Logan was born last year I was looking forward to being able to experience fall as I used to remember it. Full of wonderful sights and smells. Once October rolled around I started feeling nauseous again. Everything reminded me of the way I felt when I was pregnant. I'm sad to say that it has happened yet again this year. The nose and the mind are powerful things. When working together they can call to mind wonderful memories or some that are not so wonderful. Every time I smell tabacco with hints of apple and cinnamon I am reminded of the sweet next door neighbor I had growing up. He and his wife (Mr. and Mrs. Ryan) would sit underneath their carport in the summer time and he would smoke his pipe. The smell would filter in to the windows of our family room and now when I smell tabacco like that I remember him and how wonderful he and his wife were to our family. Or when I smell Italian food (especially fennel) I'm reminded of my mother's kitchen at Christmas time. Now most of the smells of Fall that used to bring such fondness to me now bring nausea. I hope that as years go by this "phantom nausea" goes away and I can once again have pumpkin spice candles burning in my kitchen or be able to inhale the fall air or decorate my house in fall parafaniala without feeling like I need to throw up. My other hope is that as we have more children (Lord willing) that the other seasons don't get ruined for me as I go through morning sickenss with those pregnancies. Or maybe the Lord will spare me :). One can hope.